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Coming Soon: I am Number 2,987

I am Number 2,987
By: Pitiful Bore
Self-Entitlement Publishing, 2013

If you’re looking for a good read, wait no more. This surefire bestseller is coming soon to a bookstore near you. Don’t miss out!

Pre-order your copy today.


Three thousand of us came here. We look like you. We talk like you. We live among you. But we are not you. We do things that tick you off. We have iPhones you dream of having. We are louder and more annoying than anyone you have ever seen. We are the students you complain about — and we are a royal pain in the ass.

Our plan was to cover our faces, rattle some pots and pans, and break windows to protest that $70 annual increase. Become one, and fight them. But they found us and started arresting us first. Now all of us are running. Spending our lives in residences, in places where no one would want to live, blending in. We live among you in plain sight.

But they know.

They found Number One on Berri Street.
Number Two on Sherbrooke.
And Number Three on Sainte-Catherine.
They arrested them all.

I am Number 2,897.

Eventually, I’ll be next.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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