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Medicine Hat Inundated With Sick Headgear

Among Unhealthy Hats Spotted Was Rare Toilet Bowler

(SNN) The town of Medicine Hat, Alberta found itself under siege this week after a vast quantity of sick and dying headwear arrived in search of specialist treatment. Authorities have been struggling to contain the crisis and local hat stands are said to be collapsing under the pressure.

The hats are reported to be suffering from a variety of ailments ranging from felt blight and ruptured linings to sticky brim and ribbon itch. One new arrival, who had blown in from the Netherlands with his wife and Stetson, explained that Medicine Hat offered the prospect of a cure for his Dutch Helmet disease.

 "Why else would it be called Medicine Hat?" he remarked.

However, doctors at the town's hospital have denied they are in a position to help. In a statement, a spokesman declared, "We can't put a couple of shots in them and expect them to bounce back. However, we are doing what we can to make them feel comfortable."

Elsewhere, the townsfolk are losing patience, with some residents threatening to send hats home in a box if they refuse to leave of their own accord.

"They don't belong here. They have no place here. We don't want them here. They are scum and I hate them!" shouted one angry nun.

Officials have warned that if the influx continues, settlements within a 50 mile radius may also be affected. The nearby city of Prominent Teeth, in particular, has been told to brace itself.

Photo by: Timothy J. Carroll flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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