Facebook's Neato Special Attribute
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
- Newsflash #1: The following article is Not Satire, Actually.
- Newsflash #2: I’m Not Saying Anything is wrong or even irrefutable, just that Noticeably Suspicious Activity is occurring concerning a certain American social media.
- Newsflash #3: Facebook is taking over the world! Don’t believe me? Try accessing your Spotify, Pinterest, Good Reads, Scrabble, etc, etc, etc account after deactivating your Facebook account. Doesn’t work, does it?
(SNN) - No problem, you say. I’ll just sign in using my email and password. BAM! “Welcome back to Facebook! Your Facebook account has been reactivated.” For you. No extra effort on your part required. Just another Neato Special Attribute of the world’s favorite social media outlet.
And it’s almost as if someone or some organization would really prefer it if you would remain visible and accessible on Facebook. You know, for the recipes and stuff. But I’m Not Saying Anything is wrong with it.
Not interested in posting your latest recipe for say, Naturally Sweet Apple-juice? But look, signing up for games and apps is so much easier with a Facebook account, you might as well have one. And post the recipe! Maybe your Neice’s Sweetest Aunt award is a little over the top, but surely your Nanna’s Sister’s Acquaintance would love to see it. Go ahead, just post it and forget about it. Facebook will take care of the hard work.
They’ll even tag the faces in all your photos with the names of everyone in the photo! That’s a little frightening. But don’t worry, Facebook is your Neutral, Switzerland-like Ally.
Even scarier? Wondering where Facebook secured state-of-the-art, high-tech, futuristic facial recognition technology of this caliber. Perhaps Facebook has a Naturally Superlative Associate, too.
Photo: Some rights reserved by Interact Egypt - Play Innovation flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.
More Opinion News
-
Cork and the Geez Talk Oscars
Monday, February 27, 2017
The Old Coot & the Geezer analyze what went wrong and what went right at the Academy Awards this year, review the show, and recommend who should host next year. The duo are America's most respected fuddy-duddy film ...
-
Cork and the Geez Dish on the Golden Globes
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
(SNN) The Old Coot and the Geezer, affected no doubt by the rainy weather in Southern California turn grumpy as they analyze the Golden Globes and show what they mean--mostly good food for the media. Will Hollywood ...
-
Revisiting "Two-a-Days" with One Small Difference
Thursday, October 06, 2016
(SNN) For four years of high school and one in college, I would spend a couple of weeks during the dog days of August involved in what was known as "Two-a-days." Those, as any current or former football player ...
-
Coping with the Wobblies
Sunday, September 18, 2016
(SNN) Belonging to an elite group is only fun if it was one you aspired to, like giving a hundred speeches and becoming a Distinguished Toastmaster. During that time I would get the “wobblies” almost weekly. “What’s ...
-
Experimental Turkeys & Murphy's Law
Friday, September 16, 2016
(SNN) It is a paradox of science that before any breakthrough there is often a f’ed-up earlier stage. Out of this f’ed-stage have come some turkeys – turkeys that crossed the road to find something of value on the ...
-
Adventures in Eating
Sunday, August 21, 2016
(SNN) Some food combinations reside in the collective unconscious – and then there are those that shouldn’t exist at all. That special is a lottery. Visible from my apartment is a restaurant that has been struggling ...
-
No More Miscarriage Taboo
Friday, June 24, 2016
(SNN) I got a tattoo recently to honor the life and death of my daughter. The potential of her. The possibility of her. The scarred grief of her that tore up my heart. The fact that she was not born alive did not ...
-
Since the Pulse Stopped
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Since 'the Pulse stopped,' I've been thinking a few things. (SNN) The other day 49 human beings were murdered, and 53 more were injured in an attempt to murder them, simply for being in a "Gay" nightclub called ...
-
Fall Down, Go Boom
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
(SNN) My doctor has asked me to not fall down. I’ve attempted to honor his request, but it's easier said than done. Staying upright cannot be taken for granted if, like me, you own a fused ankle, Silly Putty knee ...
-
Character Actors: Not Just In It to Win It
Friday, January 29, 2016
(SNN) The death this week of actor Abe Vigoda at 94 reminds us that there are degrees of success of Hollywood, that fame can come after thirty years of toiling in obscurity, and that a great actor is a great actor ...