
Final Goodbye to Tiny Nun
Photo: Sister Mary On Her Visit To The White House
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
(SNN) - The world's smallest nun, Sister Mary Microscopico, was laid to rest today after her tragic death last weekend. Born a Streptococcus bacterium in an Argentinian laboratory, Sister Mary grew up an orphan. Details from this period are scant, however, since the orphan concerned has continually declined to give interviews.
Facing poverty, prejudice, and antibiotics, the young Streptococcus eventually settled in a Petri dish populated by a colony of similar microorganisms. Nevertheless, she soon yearned for a different culture and feeling the need to move on, she hid in a shopping bag and crossed the Brazilian border in a carrier. The turning point in her life came when she was taken in by nuns at a convent in São Paolo. There, she quickly progressed through the ranks due to her steely determination and short incubation period.
In a recent article published in the microbiology section of the Vatican City Herald, she was described as having worked with the poor and needy in some of the worst slums in Brazil, going from person to person, spreading the gospel and occasionally impetigo. The people there had nothing until Sister Mary arrived and her impact on the local community is still remembered by many. Santiago Cruz was just ten years old when he first came into contact with her. He told Sage News, "She was unbelievably small but once she got under your skin, inside of you, she made a big impression." Controversy blighted her later life, however, when allegations emerged that she had forged ties with terrorist cells. She was later exonerated after covert images taken by electron microscope were scrutinised by security experts.
Sister Mary had been due to have an audience with His Holiness the Pope next month,but disaster struck on Saturday, when she was accidently pasteurised while making a cup of coffee. Head of her order, Mother Luisa, described Sister Mary as a good listener with an infectious personality that grew on you as time went by. And in a speech this evening, the Pontiff assured worshippers that her legacy would live on throughout South America, thanks to the wealth of sore throats she had left behind.
Photo by: Thorgilsv flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed
More Satire News
-
Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
-
Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
-
How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
-
North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
-
Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
-
It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
-
Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
-
My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
-
Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
-
Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...