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Berlusconi Sues Italy for Harassment

Photo: Berlusconi With Bunga-Bunga Burnout

(SNN) - Silvio Berlusconi, the four-time Prime Minister of Italy, is suing his nation for harassment.

“I try to be nice to the young ladies. I invite them to my bunga-bunga parties. Corrupt magistrates try to make a federal case of my generosity,” he said after being found guilty of having sex with a minor. “After all I’ve done for Italy, this is how they repay me?”

Calling himself “Italy’s greatest entrepreneur since Richard Branson,” Berlusconi defended himself by noting that his net worth more than doubled during his nine years as Prime Minister. “They punish me for being successful! They convict me for tax fraud? Everyone cheats on taxes in Italy. Tax fraud is our national sport!”

Newspapers and television stations he owns were quick to defend him.

“The judges insult me by saying I’m too old for prison,” he said, appearing shirtless outside one of his many villas. “Forcing me to do unpaid community service is cruel and unusual. Like asking a Roman Emperor to clean the sewers!”

Often compared to Nero, and widely credited with bringing his nation into the modern world of hair plug transplants, Berlusconi has also been a tireless advocate for fashion models and escort services. “Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Fiat, and Berlusconi,” he said. “I am one of the four greatest Italians ever.”

Now banned from public office after passing laws to legalize his questionable dealings, Berlusconi’s personal holdings include banks, Venetian gondolas, and the A.C. Milan football club.  “I don’t just care about money. I don’t just care about power. I care about both. That’s why I’m suing Italy for all the pasta in Pisa, Padua, Parma and Puglia.”

Photo by: flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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