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Media Outlets Sick of Rob Ford: Decide to Focus on Something Else

(SNN) - After months of reporting on Toronto's delusional, foul-mouthed, crack-smoking mayor, Canadian news outlets are finally getting tired of him.

The message came straight from Shaw Media's news director, Boonfink Jumblespork, in a press conference held on Wednesday at Shaw's corporate headquarters in Toronto.

"Rob Ford's headline-making behaviour may provide fodder for stand-up comics and late night talk shows, but we've had enough of his antics and more-than-ample girth dominating our airwaves and media," said Jumblespork. 

"If no one has the ability to kick his ass out of office, then we will take measures to free up our news space for more interesting and important stories."

Jumblespork's "measures" can be summed up as a national ban on Ford-related stories, which will take effect Monday, November 18th across all of Shaw's affiliates as well as outlets owned by Postmedia Network. 

Under this ban, future installments of the Ford Nation saga will be replaced with more relevant and intellectually stimulating news stories such as "Hulk Wannabe Paints Himself Green with Nuclear Submarine Paint", "Frozen McRib Goes Viral", and "Business Cat Runs for Mayor". Smaller outlets have also committed to implementing the ban in an effort to protect their staff from overexposure to Ford's stupidity.  

When asked what they thought about the ban on Ford's train wreck of a life, citizens of Toronto and across Canada stood up and applauded. "Oh, thank God. I was starting to run out of Ford stories to leak," exclaimed Alba Bangles, administrative assistant for Rob Ford's alleged crack dealer, Mohammed Khattak. 

Despite the overwhelming support, a few residents expressed concern that the media would be left completely without news. "Not to worry," replied Jumblespork. "There are more than enough political and individual train wrecks for Shaw to report on, such as Anthony Weiner, Justin Trudeau, and Miley Cyrus."

Photo: Some rights reserved by Joseph.Morris flickr potostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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