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Prediction; 2014 Will Be the Dumbest Year Ever

This, Despite Strong Competition From 2013

(SNN) - 2014 is shaping up to be a forgettable year. The following predictions explain why we should just get it over with and jump to 2015.

  • The NSA will be caught eavesdropping on Obama’s daughters.
  • Republicans will trademark “Obamacare” so the president can’t profit from it once he leaves office.
  • Stress induced by healthcare forms will kill most uninsured Americans.
  • Teenage heartthrobs “One Direction” won't find one.
  • Lady Gaga will join The Goo Goo Dolls on the GooGooGaGa tour.
  • A steroid scandal will sweep the curling finals at the Winter Olympics.
  • Admitting they are “out of new ideas,” Apple Computer will cease operations and donate their $100B cash hoard to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
  • Sarah Palin will re-emerge as a US presidential hopeful and nobody will notice.
  • Saying she can’t abide “another shitty government job,” Hillary Clinton will renounce her citizenship.
  • Live lapel mics will capture world leaders playing “pull my finger” at the opening session of the United Nations.
  • Live seafood sales will be banned after a fight breaks out between crabs and lobsters in a Boston market.
  • Scientists will decode the language of dogs only to learn that they would rather not be our best friends.

Photo by: Matthew Paulson  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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