Prediction; 2014 Will Be the Dumbest Year Ever
This, Despite Strong Competition From 2013
(SNN) - 2014 is shaping up to be a forgettable year. The following predictions explain why we should just get it over with and jump to 2015.
- The NSA will be caught eavesdropping on Obama’s daughters.
- Republicans will trademark “Obamacare” so the president can’t profit from it once he leaves office.
- Stress induced by healthcare forms will kill most uninsured Americans.
- Teenage heartthrobs “One Direction” won't find one.
- Lady Gaga will join The Goo Goo Dolls on the GooGooGaGa tour.
- A steroid scandal will sweep the curling finals at the Winter Olympics.
- Admitting they are “out of new ideas,” Apple Computer will cease operations and donate their $100B cash hoard to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
- Sarah Palin will re-emerge as a US presidential hopeful and nobody will notice.
- Saying she can’t abide “another shitty government job,” Hillary Clinton will renounce her citizenship.
- Live lapel mics will capture world leaders playing “pull my finger” at the opening session of the United Nations.
- Live seafood sales will be banned after a fight breaks out between crabs and lobsters in a Boston market.
- Scientists will decode the language of dogs only to learn that they would rather not be our best friends.
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