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Cetacious Flatulence Linked to Climate Change

Photo: Thar She Blows!

(SNN) - A new report in the field of Cetology has shaken up accepted global warming theory and turned the “caused by human endeavor” theory on its ear. The report may have even had the rare effect of changing the paradigms of world governments.

Dr. Susan Bathyscape, a Cetologist from the University of California, has determined that much of the world’s greenhouse gases are not a result of human endeavor or the burning of fossil fuels.

“We have found that a significant source of Methane and Carbon Dioxide is… flatulent whales; "she said last week at a symposium in Los Angeles entitled, “WE’VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE WRONG KIND OF GAS!” The symposium was attended by climatologists, petroleum-related scientists and government officials from around the world.

The oil-company delegates were quick to point out the unfairness with which they have been subject to regarding the assumption of their guilt in global-warming. They wanted everyone who had suggested such a “clear defamation of character” to pay $100,000 (US) into a pot and promised to “use the money wisely to pursue a better world for us all”. The amalgamation of oil company executives then surrounded the Secretary of the Treasury, who was in attendance, asking for government support to investigate this new development and the possibilities of harnessing the natural gas for industrial usage.

Also amongst the attendees was a small delegation from the Department of Weirdness and Expensive Experts for the Bermuda Triangle and Other Strange Stuff. (DWEEBTOSS). They were ecstatic at the prospect of considering the gaseous emissions of whales finally laying to rest the issue of the Bermuda Triangle. Allan Yankovic (no relation) was quoted outside the auditorium,

“Think of the possibilities! A whale swimming deep in the ocean would let one go and it would be just a wee thing with the pressure of the water. By the time it would get to the surface, it would be big enough to engulf a freighter. It could be a Cloud of Death for passing planes (no pun intended). This is certainly a money -maker!” He left quickly to talk to the Secretary of the Treasury, to ask for government support for his initiative.

The contingent from Japan, led by that country’s trade minister, Chicken Sou Guy, was quoted as saying that his nation is "prepared to deal with this problem unilaterally, if necessary", ostensibly to kill all the whales to prevent any further danger. They did feel, however, their efforts for ridding the world of this threat won’t come cheap. They then went to speak to the Secretary of the Treasury.

Photo by: Paolo Pace  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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