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Save the Children

Photo: Noon in Oslo

(SNN) - Winter is here and once again people of goodwill are called upon to help the underprivileged, the downtrodden and unfortunate sun-starved children of Norway.

As the winter solstice passes and darkness envelopes the northern hemisphere, we Samaritans of the lower latitudes must help the pigment challenged Norselings, the ghostly little angels whose blue veins glow like Christmas tree tinsel through their pale skin.

If we don’t act now--if we do not respond decisively—soon Norway’s next generation will have no memory of daylight.

Imagine your own children subjected to the false hope of gray daylight followed by another endless night.  Your thin promise that the sun will return for 2 weeks in August would pale against the relentless glow of the Aurora Borealis.

How can we turn our backs on these innocent victims of excessive latitude? They did not ask to live in darkness. They do not deserve a barren, dark winter only made worse by our neglect. 

Their parents try to brighten the season with Christmas lights and yule logs but cookies and cocoa cannot mask the depravation. These pale angels need sunlight, not tales of flying reindeer turned into life-sustaining jerky.

Fortunately, there is light in the darkness for the melanin deprived. With your generous donation, the Norwegian Toddler’s Fund (NTF) will respond to the needs of those who did not ask for and do not deserve another 12 months of winter. 

The choice is yours. Will you toss a wet blanket of snow upon their monochrome existence, or will you join with some of the world’s whitest celebrities in a generous response?  
              - A $5.00 donation will buy a Beach Boys CD for an orphanage.
              - A $25.00 donation will buy Vitamin D for an entire family.
              - A $100.00 donation will buy a light visor for a depressed girl scout.
              - A $500.00 donation will fund a tanning bed for a middle school classroom.
The predictable humanitarian crisis can be averted unless we ignore the plight of Norway’s frozen children. History shows that the cost of not responding could be a full-scale Viking invasion when the Fjords thaw and boatloads of crazed, pasty-faced Sons of Thor descend in search of sun and vegetables. 

Children, of course, are the future which is why things keep getting worse. Please give generously to the NTF to ensure a brighter tomorrow.

Photo by Scott Rubin flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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