
Airline Says "Oops, My Bad" After Man Flying to New York Wakes up in Thailand
(SNN) - A Texas businessman who fell asleep on a flight from Houston to New York was shocked when he woke to find himself at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi Airport, thirty-four hours later.
Bramblesnort Crippledorf was travelling on United Airlines' partner air carrier, BigJetElite, last Friday when he fell asleep in his window seat at the back of the plane. He didn't wake up when the aircraft landed at LaGuardia International Airport, but instead continued to sleep through the aircraft's refuelling and three subsequent flights to Houston, Tokyo and finally Bangkok.
"I woke up when the plane landed on the tarmac and I thought things looked a bit different," said Crippledorf, who was apparently still groggy when he disembarked with the other passengers. "I was like, 'This doesn't look like New York'. I thought maybe it was a layover or something."
In a statement issued to the press yesterday, the airline said "Oops".
Company spokesperson Dude McFadden confirmed that the air carrier is still investigating the incident to determine how personnel sweeping the aircraft in New York, Houston and Tokyo somehow missed the 200 lb man with big feet stretched out in window seat 23A. "It's believed that flight attendants and aircraft groomers didn't see him due to the fact that the man's black suit and orange tie blended in so well with the seat," he said.
According to McFadden, United is looking to update its Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs) to require flight attendants to poke all seats with a fork before leaving an aircraft. A new procedure is also being developed to instruct attendants on how to wake comatose passengers when discovered. "I'm not sure what drugs this guy was taking but I gotta get me some of those," he quipped.
In the meantime, United has publicly apologized to Crippledorf, offering him vouchers for free Twinkies and a return trip to the U.S. via the USS New York, a military transport ship. "The bunks are a bit lumpy but at least he'll be sure to wake up when the ship docks in New York," said McFadden. "But that might take a few months."
Crippledorf's baggage is currently being held for him at LaGuardia, marking the first time in history that a passenger's belongings arrived at their intended destination while the owner shows up on the other side of the world.
Photo: Some rights reserved by MrVJTod flickr photostream, The Sage not this article endorsed.
More Satire News
-
Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
-
Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
-
How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
-
North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
-
Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
-
It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
-
Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
-
My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
-
Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
-
Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...