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New WHO Report: Friedchickenitis on the Rise

By Suzanne Lucas
Tuesday, February 04, 2014

(SNN) - A new disease has surfaced in countries across the world and the World Health Organization (WHO) warns there will be 22 million new cases of it by the end of next year.

According to the Batman Agency for Research on Fried Chicken (BARFc), the San Antonio-based research arm of the WHO, friedchickenitis is claiming victims in developed countries at an alarming rate. According to BARFc, there were 14 million new cases of friedchickenitis globally in 2013. The agency predicts that the figure will jump significantly in the next few years as fast-food restaurants continue to grow and more chickens cross the road.

Friedchickenitis is said to originate from the KFC virus, a highly-virulent organism found in Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices. The KFC virus is said to attack the pancreas, stomach lining and intestinal tract of the people it infects, resulting in very unpleasant chronic symptoms. A cure has yet to be found, but symptoms can be managed through increased consumption of salads and other boring foods. The virus is also completely resistant to antibiotics.

In its report, the agency says more than 95 per cent of the world's cases are in regions where KFC restaurants operate. The agency is calling for countries to consider legislation to encourage consumers to keep chickens as pets rather than eat them.

"The rise of friedchickenitis presents an enormous challenge," says WHO Director-General Dr. Humblebort Bopplecrumb, who launched the report during the WHO Global Forum on addressing the challenge of chronic chicken-related diseases. “Governments should encourage their citizens to explore healthier dietary alternatives, such as fish, moose and frog legs, which all taste like chicken anyhow.”

Delegates at the WHO Global Forum also committed to monitor other diseases on the rise and susceptible to reach global proportions, such as Algoraphobia (a fear of long-winded speeches expounding on the dire consequences of global warming), Amengitis (a chronic condition causing people to have the obsessive need to have the last word in a conversation), and Spox (a rare deformity of the ears thought to be of alien origin).

Photo Some rights reserved by US Mission Geneva flickr photostream, The Sage nor this artivle endorsed.  The original image can be found here.

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