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Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.

Socshi Winter Olympics Spectators Awarded Gold Metals

(SNN) - “I thought downhill skiing was beyond all human capability,” said one NBC commentator, “until I saw what the spectators have to endure in just their hotel accommodations.” “If they can do that well in those conditions, without formal training,” one person Tweeted to SNN, “imagine what we can do here in Detroit, with training.”

Not to Be Undone, North Korea’s Kim Jong Un Vows to Pull Off Summer Olympics in the Dead of Winter

(SNN) - “Pulling off a winter Olympics in a small, semi-tropical resort town is nothing,” his news agency said. “And if the Olympic Committee doesn’t approve my application, I’ll destroy them with a nuclear attack.”

Religious Liberty Laws Popular with Liberals, as well as Conservatives.

(SNN) - Laws to protect people of conscience from selling things like morning-after pills and wedding cakes to same-sex couples is not running into the resistance proponents feared. “I would love to refuse to sell bullets to gun owners, cigarettes to smokers and Twinkies to fat people,” said just one Tweet, out of 10s of 1000s at #ReligeousLibertyLaws

As the Economy Picks Up, Doom & Gloom Industry Fights for Its Life

(SNN) - “I’d make more money on unemployment,” the author of The Coming Collapse of the Economy & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Millions Who Will Starve to Death. “And I’m hoping like hell that The Coming Collapse of Obamacare & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Millions Who Will Succumb to the Death Panels will save my ass.” And if that doesn’t work, he has this in the works: The Coming Collapse of Facebook & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Billions Who Will Die Friendless.

Ed Toolis’ website –

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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