Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
Monday, March 03, 2014
Socshi Winter Olympics Spectators Awarded Gold Metals
(SNN) - “I thought downhill skiing was beyond all human capability,” said one NBC commentator, “until I saw what the spectators have to endure in just their hotel accommodations.” “If they can do that well in those conditions, without formal training,” one person Tweeted to SNN, “imagine what we can do here in Detroit, with training.”
Not to Be Undone, North Korea’s Kim Jong Un Vows to Pull Off Summer Olympics in the Dead of Winter
(SNN) - “Pulling off a winter Olympics in a small, semi-tropical resort town is nothing,” his news agency said. “And if the Olympic Committee doesn’t approve my application, I’ll destroy them with a nuclear attack.”
Religious Liberty Laws Popular with Liberals, as well as Conservatives.
(SNN) - Laws to protect people of conscience from selling things like morning-after pills and wedding cakes to same-sex couples is not running into the resistance proponents feared. “I would love to refuse to sell bullets to gun owners, cigarettes to smokers and Twinkies to fat people,” said just one Tweet, out of 10s of 1000s at #ReligeousLibertyLaws
As the Economy Picks Up, Doom & Gloom Industry Fights for Its Life
(SNN) - “I’d make more money on unemployment,” the author of The Coming Collapse of the Economy & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Millions Who Will Starve to Death. “And I’m hoping like hell that The Coming Collapse of Obamacare & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Millions Who Will Succumb to the Death Panels will save my ass.” And if that doesn’t work, he has this in the works: The Coming Collapse of Facebook & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Billions Who Will Die Friendless.
Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us
More Satire News
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Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
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Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
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How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
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North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
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Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
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It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
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Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
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My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
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Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
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Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...