Republicans Blast Democrats for Wanting to Give Ex-Felons the Right to Vote
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
(SNN) - When Attorney General Eric Holder commented that, once felons have paid their debt to society, their Constitutional right to vote should be restored, the response was swift.
“Everybody knows that most criminals in this country, caught or not, vote Democratic,” Senator Mitch McConnell said with outrage at a hastily-organized press conference. “And giving them the vote is a blatant attempt to give Hillary the 440,000 votes she’ll need to steal the Republican sweep of the 2016 elections.”
“Right,” another standing behind him shouted. “If our party hadn’t passed those mandatory-sentencing laws, tens of thousands of criminal minority types, those we were able to sweep off the streets of Florida, would have voted for Al Gore in the 2000 election. And we all know what kind of a disaster that would have been.”
Speaker Boehner said, “And since money, especially that gotten from illicit activities, is the greatest morally corrupting force in Washington, I doubt we’ll be able to stop this from becoming law.” On the verge of tears, he added, “I mean, when the felon lobby has the power to pay off the Attorney Genera so he’ll make the statement they wrote for him, you just know they have every Democrat in Congress in their pockets, too.”
Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us
Photo: Some rights reserved by DonkeyHotey flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.
More Satire News
-
Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
-
Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
-
How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
-
North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
-
Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
-
It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
-
Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
-
My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
-
Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
-
Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...