Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On
Monday, March 24, 2014
Osphena, the Drug That Stops Painful Sexual Intercourse After Menopause Gets Massive Negative Response on Twitter
(SNN) - “We thanked God when our husbands could no longer get it up,” said a typical post, “then those a**holes from the drug companies came up with Viagra. And now they’ve taken away our last resort.”
Limbaugh Outraged about Obama’s “Between the Ferns” Interview
(SNN) - “It’s nothing but a blatant attempt to increase his popularity after his PR disaster for not invading Ukraine,” he said, unable to contain his outrage. “Since WWII, we’ve been building tens of thousands of tanks, that we’ve never used, for this very occasion.”
“Data Mining and Analytics Now Better Than Actually Holding Elections – and It’s Cheaper”
(SNN) - Said Khanissha Aishwaryashri PhD, at a recent TED talk. “We are now able to accurately represent the values of the people, regardless of whether they vote or not.” Politicians are outraged by the very suggestion. Millions of citizens on Twitter, who are so unhappy about the behavior of politicians in Washington, would be willing to give it a try for a decade or two.
RNC Outraged that DNC Is Telling Candidates to Run on Republican Issues
(SNN) - “Not only are their candidates getting the Democratic vote,” a spokesperson told SNN, “since Tea Party opponents want to impeach Obama, say the body has a natural defense against getting pregnant due to rape, have gun giveaways at their rallies, want to make low-income grade school kids do janitor's work to pay for their free lunches, and say that people who believe in evolution are devil worshipers, they’re getting the moderate Republican vote as well, which is despicable.”
Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us
More Satire News
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Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
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Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
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How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
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North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
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Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
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It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
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Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
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My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
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Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
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Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...