Here are the latest stories The Sage is working on.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
SNN Writer Furious with Sarah Palin
(SNN) -“I came up with the Malaysian jet going straight to heaven first,” Ed Toolis said in the only part of a malicious Tweet that’s fit to print. “How dare you rob me of that joke by actually saying it on Fox News.”
House Outraged by Canada Restricting the Importation of Porn to 65%
(SNN) - “If they don’t buy our porn, we won’t buy their oil,” Boehner said at a press conference. “And thank the Lord our politicians can’t be bought off by the likes of our porn lobby.”
CIA Responds to Feinstein’s Accusations of Spying on the Senate’s Oversight Committee?
(SNN) - In her second press conference in a week, Senator Feinstein claimed the CIA said in a letter, “If we tell you about how much info we withhold from the Committee and the extent of our spying on members, we’d have to kill you.” But she was unable to show the letter to the press. It has mysteriously disappeared.
“Foolish atheists will pay CASH for your worldly possessions”
(SNN) - Read the headline on billboards all over San Antonio, Texas after Pastor Hagee said the crisis in the Ukraine was a sign that all Christians have been waiting for: That the end times are finally at hand. The American Atheist Association says they’ve gotten no takers so far, but are optimistic.
Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us
More Satire News
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Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
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Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
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How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
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North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
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Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
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It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
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Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
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My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
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Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
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Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...