(SNN) - Yesterday, the UN Security Council gathered for an emergency meeting to discuss a pressing issue regarding North Korea. Apparently, it has been more than a month since North Korean leader Kim Jong-un made any angry public statements, launched a missile into the sea, or threatened nuclear annihilation on the world.
A statement released by the Security Council says that the US, France, UK, China, and Russia are deeply worried about the North Korean leadership, since it is highly unusual of them to go a full month without lashing out at someone.
The US, UK, and France stated their concerns that lack of disturbing North Korean rhetoric is forcing them to address other important issues, such as climate change and dependence on fossil fuels, which they really don’t want to do. Russia and China are equally worried that the lack of North Korean craziness diverts the world’s attention from the peninsula to the massive human rights violations going on in their countries.
However, many agree that the Security Council’s statements don’t reflect the real problems with which they might be forced to deal. President Obama noted that the situation was looking very bleak. “It seems that after the death of his father, Kim Jong-un has deviated from the generally accepted 5 stages of grief and jumped from anger straight to depression, which may result in unexpected consequences. We have to be ready for anything.”
The South Korean military is on high alert, with thousands of extra troops deployed to the border. South Korean president Park Geun-hye held an emergency press conference, where she stated, “It seems that Kim Jong-un has finally snapped and will attack at any moment. All reserves must be mobilized immediately.”
After a 12-hour closed meeting, an attempt was made to reignite the anger stage in Kim Jong-un, so the world would have a little more time to figure out what to do next. At 5 AM Pacific Time, a copy of the Desperate Housewives Season 5 on DVD was thrown over the North Korean border. Unfortunately, after hours of waiting, nothing happened.
“This is crazy”, said UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, “On any other day we would expect mortar fire from the North Korean side after such a daring provocation, but there is only silence; the world has never been this close to all-out war on the peninsula.”
After the initial plan failed, the Security Council attempted to pass a resolution forcing China to go knock on the North Korean border to find out if everything is ok. Unfortunately, China has blocked the resolution, stating that they will not go anywhere near those nutjobs.
At this point, no one can give a good estimate of whether Kim Jong-un will be able to safely transition from depression to acceptance, or if he will snap and start another major war. The international community is working round the clock to try to get the situation under control, but North Korea's complete isolation from the rest of the world is making this task very difficult. “What I wouldn’t give to hear about North Korea conducting another nuclear test right now”, said Ban Ki-moon.
Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Richard Loyal French flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.
More Satire News
-
Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
-
Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
-
How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
-
North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
-
Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
-
It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
-
Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
-
My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
-
Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
-
Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...