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Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.

10 Waistband-Wearing, Conceal-Carry Gun Owners Shoot Off Penises So Far This Year

(SNN) - “I will make do without my johnson,” the latest victim told reporters at the hospital, “but I can’t live without my Second Amendment rights.”

Whole Republican Party Suffering from Iraqi Alzheimer’s, a CDC Report Says

(SNN) - “It’s very disturbing to the point of being downright scary,” said an official. “They can remember that Bush started it, remember that he declared ‘mission accomplished,’ but that’s about it. They can’t remember a single thing about their involvement in the war. They even blame Obama for starting a 1000-year-old sectarian war between the Sunnis and Shites.”

Participants in Andy Kaufman Vigil Still Hopeful

(SNN) - “Because of the dramatic increase in sightings, from all over the world,” said the founder of The Andy Kaufman Watch website in a phone interview, laughing it off, “we knew that the 20 year anniversary of his supposed death, on May 16th, would be the date Andy would appear and show that his demise was the greatest gag ever conceived by man, but you know how he is. He’s such a joker.”

Are Immigrants Really Stealing Our Jobs?

(SNN) - That’s what a pro-immigration activist asked the picket-sign carrying demonstrators at a huge rally in Washington. “But not a single one of the 388 protestors I talked to knew the first thing about writing computer code or had a medical or engineering degree.”

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DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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