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St. Luke's Hospital Sends Second Ransom Note

Photo: Spacious living in 'deadbeat' wing of hospital

(SNN) - The family of Mr. Ralph Johnson is appealing to local law enforcement to help spring Mr. Johnson from the St. Luke’s hospital.  Mrs. Johnson tearfully explained Ralph was admitted a week ago for minor surgery on his big toe and the hospital is holding him ransom for their insurance deductible.   “We have insurance, this is outrageous!” she cried. 

The hospital administrator, Mr. Itsanomifault, explains the number of patients and their families with high deductible health insurance policies has skyrocketed.  Many patients don’t realize that they may owe lots of money up front with these policies and the hospital is waiting months or never at all to get paid.   The hospital was at wit's end when Mr. Lawnder- Cash asked to join the hospital board.  A well known local philanthropist, Mr. Lawnder-Cash, suggested the board require the deductible payment up front.  However, when patients have difficulty coughing up the dough, the hospital takes it one step further.   The patient is moved to a special section of the hospital and the family receives a reminder payment is due if they want to see their loved one again. 

When asked about patient care in the “special section”, Mr. Itsanomifault, explained the section is a bit crowded at times and only bread and water are served.  Otherwise, one blanket and mattress on the floor keep things quite comfortable.  It costs the hospital less than chasing down the payment after the patient has left the premises.    

And what if the family cannot pay the ransom?  The administrator indicated a second ransom notice is sent via special delivery by Vinny and Carmine.  This usually results in immediate payment and more patients for the hospital. 

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Michael Coghlan flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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