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CorkList: Ten Favorite Zamfir Tunes

Whose Titles I Forgot

(SNN) - If you are a fan of the musical instrument called the Pan Flute, first of all, for God’s sake, get a life! Second, you probably remember those late night TV commercials for recordings by “Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute.”

Zamfir is a Romanian Pan Flautist+ who had a big run in the 70’s and 80’s as the world’s most popular and only Pan Flute player. He is now 73, still working and set to open for Smashing Pumpkins at Halloweenapalooza.

The Pan Flute itself is typically made from bamboo or giant cane.  Zamfir hand-tunes his personal Pan Flutes using Beeswax. I asked the Master how the process works. He said, “None of your beeswax.” What a card.

The Pan Flute is named after “Pan,” the goat-footed Greek god known for his all night bacchanals where he famously danced with chimps.++

Zamfir, on the other hand, wears tasseled loafers on his human feet, dances with his wife and plays music to sleep by. He’s “Master” of an instrument that sounds like an Irish Pennywhistle after you’ve downed a tumbler of Jameson’s.

In case you wondered, Zamfir does have a first name, which is spelled “Gheorghe” and pronounced “Bob.” He recently auctioned off several letters from it at a benefit for Panhandling Pan Flute Prodigies.

We kid because we love Zamfir, even if some of his numbers all sound alike.  

Here then, without further ado (or Beeswax), my ten most unremembered Zamfir classics:

  • The one that was the first single from “Zamfir Plays Jimi,” the Hendrix Tribute Album.
  • The one recorded live at an infomercial convention where a confused Zamfir played his first three numbers on a Salad Shooter.
  • The one after a pruning shears accident nearly turned Zamfir into the “Mistress of the Pan Flute.”
  • The one where he does a rap duel with Snoop Dog and his bitches.
  • The one where he puts too much Pam on his Pan and his flute changes key to M-Flat.
  • The entire Zamfir/Lady Gaga “Duets” Album.
  • The one where Zamfir played with his flute and his mother almost caught him.
  • The one where Kenny G breaks into the studio and asks Zamfir to “stop strangling cats.”
  • The one where a duet with John Tesh goes horribly wrong. In other words, any duet with John Tesh.
  • The one where a heckler tells Zamfir where he can stick his Pan Flute, the Master obliges and then farts a medley of Rumanian folk songs.

Photo (cropped): Some Rights Reserved by Hugo Chisolm flickr photostream, The Sage nor this artivle endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from John "Cork" Corcoran Jr.



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