Kim Kardashian's Booty has been nominated
... by the prestigious National Caboose Association for year-end
Bulletin: Big Bootilicious Breaking Butt Update
(SNN) - With a clean air accord agreed to by China and the US, with Russia rattling its sabers in the Ukraine, and with record-setting cold air blasting into the eastern half of the US, the biggest story this week is Kim Kardashian’s Ass.
Kardashian’s Big Booty burst into the news when she released a series of mostly nude photos taken for the winter edition of the publication “Paper.”
But like a blind man trying to describe an elephant, if you spent time away from the fast-breaking story you may have missed key elements of journalism at its finest.
Here then are highlights so far:
- TMZ reports Justin Beiber is now dating Kim Kardashian's Ass.
- NASA announces Kim Kardashian’s Ass will be launched into space in 2017, and is expected to land on Uranus three years and 20,000,000 puns later.
- The Weather Channel’s New England forecast: 30% chance of Hurricane Force winds, 50% chance of heavy snow, and 100% chance of Kim Kardashian's Ass.
- Rumors persist that Kim Kardashian’s Ass uses performance-enhancing drugs, meaning her world-class booty may enter the record books with an assterisk.
- Kim Kardashian’s Ass denies it will run for President in 2016, saying it wouldn’t stand a chance against all the horse’s asses in the race.
- The US Postal Service has assigned cc's Ass two new zip codes, one for each cheek.
- Kim Kardashian’s Ass has just signed as official spokesbutt for Universal Studios new kick-ass ride called “Kim Kardashian‘s New Kick-ass Ride.”
- Kim Kardashian’s Ass has been named Queen of the Rose Bowl Parade. The lead float will be shaped like Kim Kardashian’s Ass if enough roses are available.
- Kim Kardashian’s Ass has been nominated by the prestigious National Caboose Association for year-end "rear-end"‹ Honors (sorry).
- Kim Kardashian's Ass, backed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, will sing the National Anthem at the 2016 Super Bowl.
- Barbara Walter unretires to ask Kim Kardashian's Ass: “If you were a tree, what kind of tree do you think it would be?”
- The Assless Americans Association has sued Kim Kardashian’s Ass, saying many women remain bootiless or under-bootied while she hauls around enough flesh to re-boot an entire village.
- Kim Kardashian's Ass has signed a three-picture deal with Warner Brothers.
Image (cropped): - Not Kim Kardashian, Some Rights Reserved by calwhiz (flickr), The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.
DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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