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Michele Bachmann Voted Top Republican Stand-Up Comic for 2014

(SNN) - Comedy Central assembled the speeches of various right-wing politicians, turned them into stand-up routines and over a million online viewers got to vote for the funniest ones. Some of her best lines (actual quotes):

On taking on liberals: “That’s the best way to defeat them, by the way. . . .I destroyed liberal arguments with my superior logic. . . . They don’t like to have the truth told about them, and that’s really what it is. . . . (Again) I didn’t fear the left. I decided to take them on in the arena of ideas by attacking their false premises and their false narratives.”

On why she didn’t run for office in the last election: “It is public humiliation, public ridicule, constant criticism when you’re in public office – if you take on the left.”

North Korea Condemns U.S.s version of ISIS

(SNN) - When Seth Rogan asked for fans to join the Sony forces, massing on the border to invade North Korea, 2,347,018 signed up on Tweeter, the North Korean News Agency said in a press release today.

In a related story, John Boehner said, “The only reason the Obama administration isn’t calling for all out war, is because they fear the North Koreans will do what they did to Sony, shut the White House down completely - like we’ve pretty much done with Congress for the last six years.”

'Anonymous' Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

(SNN) - Although we haven’t seen any results yet, when they announced that as a result of the Charlie Hebdo Massacre, they would shut down all jihadist websites, millions nominated them.

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DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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