Texas Zoos to Cure Animals of Gay Behavior + More News Bits
News bits including strange bits, political bits and naughty bits
Sunday, May 03, 2015
New Study Finds that Orgasms Have No Role in Perpetuating the Species
(SNN) “I just don’t get it,” said the lead male scientist on the study, in a Skype interview with this reporter. “At first, I thought the problem was only with my wife. I mean, I showed her, in black and white, that orgasms have no role in increasing the chances of fertilization. And so I told her that I saw no point in making her come on a regular basis.” Then he threw up his hands in exasperation. “But when I announced our findings at the conference, every last one of the twelve hundred women there said they’d no longer be interested in perpetuating the species with any man who held such a view.”
Republican Candidates for President Horrified about the Influence of Money on Hillary
(SNN) “Obviously, the only reason countries gave millions to the Clinton Foundation wasn’t to lessen the amount of misery in the world, it was to influence her decisions as Secretary of State.” - The exact same statement given by all the candidates, as they again auditioned for Sheldon Adelson and the Koch brothers.
Texas Zoos to Cure Animals of Homosexual Behavior
(SNN) “It’s just not what God intended,” said the director.
Parents Outraged about What’s Showing Up on Their Kid’s Cellphones
(SNN) “The reason I bought Mindy that phone was so she could call me if she got kidnapped,” was a typical response on Twitter, “not to tell our kids the Tooth Fairy pays $4.36 on average. Now I have to cough up $3.36, times two, plus what payday loan companies charge in interest.”
Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That
More Satire News
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Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
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Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
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How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
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North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
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Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
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It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
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Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
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My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
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Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
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Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...