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Hubbies, Hillary and Police Brutality; News Bits You Missed

Photo: Is this man's future?

Ed Toolis
Monday, May 11, 2015

                   

First, It Was Christian Fundamentalists, Now All Husbands No Longer Believe in Science

(SNN) An article I wrote recently sparked hundreds of angry phone calls. Calls that my boss, who is married, told the receptionist to let through no matter what I said.

“How dare you write that some study states that husbands, who help with housework, have much lower rates of divorce,” one husband, who wished to remain anonymous, screamed at me. “Do you have any idea about what consequences a thing like that is having on the lives of hundreds of millions of men like me, nationwide?”

Another ranted (on my home phone, which no one’s supposed to give out, by the way), “This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you give women academic scholarships. And you just know that it’s going to get worse, since more women graduate from college than men.”

And the day after I refused to retract the story, I got dozens of press releases from PR companies, who used to work for Big Tobacco, and now work for the anti-climate change lobby demanding that I publish the research by their scientists. (I also got a 25% off coupon for the Husband Appreciation Day at my local Hooters restaurant.)

Justice Department Comes Up with Easy Way to Identify Abusive Police Departments

(SNN) A reliable source told this reporter that the DOJ is about to “suggest” that all communities enact laws mandating that any police officer, who handcuffs a perp after he’s been shot dead, get 20 years in prison. That, and any politician who proposes and votes for a law that makes it illegal for citizens to videotape the police in the processes of making an arrest, also get 20 years. “And we’ll investigate any community that violently objects to those proposals.”

Hillary Clinton’s Birthday Has Been Declared a National Day of Prayer by Right-Wingers

(SNN) Oct 26. Mark your calendars. Expect Intragram to be flooded with pics, which is the latest form of protest to replace placard-waving demonstrators.

Bonus! Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That 

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Vanessa M Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can  be located here .

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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