
Humans Mourn Loss of Monster Who Would Love to Eat Their Children
Photo: A lawyer after explaining the Law of the Jungle to his client.
(SNN) Social media erupted this week when American dentist Walter Palmer posted a selfie with Cecil, an African lion he hunted and killed. The photo has launched a movement to stop the senseless killing of monsters that would eat human babies alive given the chance with no remorse whatsoever.
Activists have posted signs at Palmer’s dental practice and used Facebook and Twitter to show their support for the slain heartless killing machine that is literally the reason children have nightmares. Supporters say it was wrong to glorify the killing of this four hundred pound beast with daggers for teeth.
“It’s just wrong,” said Darren Walton, Director of People for the Ethical Treatment of Demonic Jungle Monsters. “That poor, defenseless lion was living a peaceful life of killing its own offspring and ripping antelope to shreds as they consciously looked on at the process of their own horrific demise, and this American comes along and shoots him.”
Cecil was a vicious behemoth of a creature crafted by evolution over millions of years to deftly end the lives of its prey without a moment’s hesitation, and the world is sad to see him go. He lived in Africa, where millions of human beings suffer from starvation, disease, and oppression every day, on a game hunting reserve designed to manage and preserve animal populations.
“We need to put an end to trophy hunting,” said Walton, making no mention of the thousands of people dying in Africa at this very moment. “It’s nothing more than rich white people exercising their privilege by a cowardly show of dominance over innocent animals.”
“[Nothing],” he added in regards to the ongoing problem of police brutality against the African American community.
Activists declined to comment on the hoards of less cute trophy-hunted animals who didn’t have anthropomorphized names.
Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Kayugee Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.
More Satire News
-
Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
-
Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
-
How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
-
North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
-
Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
-
It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
-
Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
-
My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
-
Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
-
Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...