news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Jan's Weight Loss Secrets!

Photo: Jan's foreign weight loss lab

(SNN) Since my Hollywood Weight Loss secrets have gone global (now in my favorite country - Canada), I have been credited for the new "bikini bodies" I shall share once more for those who may have missed it.

 1) Tooting your own horn uses 4 calories,

 2) Bending over backwards whistling Dixie in Latin while...

 3) Sorting laundry expends a whopping 32,000. Good luck to you gorgeous babes! (BTW. This works for you stud worthy manly males, as well.)

4. Jumping to conclusions uses 100 calories. 

5. Making mountains out of molehills -450. WOW! I am now a tall, thin blonde! OOPS. That is someone else. I definitely need to make an eye test appointment. 

6. Which reminds me, I recall making love to an Optometrist. Just once. So distracting. All night long he kept asking. "Is this better or is this better?" "Is this better or..."

7. Giving him a black eye: 2300 calories.

Photo credit: Some Rights Reserved by Gilda Flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Jan Marshall



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^