Why My Plants Hold Their Ears
Photo: If you're bad in life, you'll come back as one of Jan's house plants
(SNN) I heard plants are like people. They must be spoken to in a gentle manner. I took elocution lessons from Ms. Manners. I enunciated every syllable. What did I get for my effort?
Rotten roots, sagging stems and flaky foliage. My surviving plants don't look great either.
I have spent a fortune on plants plus food for the plants and aspirin for me. Too much sun, not enough sun, over watering or under watering. Whatever the reason, many plants passed on.
A relative left me a rubber plant called a Ficus Decura, in our family for three generations and was known as "the strongest of the ficus,.
Thirty-six hours after it arrived in my home, it left for the rubber plantation in the sky. Perhaps its because one day in earshot of the Ficus I muttered, ”Geez, another mouth to feed.”
Could it have sensed my resentment?
Another time my Dieffenbachia wet the coffee table and I admit I got angry and said a few choice words that required me to wash my mouth out with Tequilla. Sure enough the thing wilted and died.
Then the Philodendron formed a fungus and was soon on its last leaf. Life as you can see was not a bed of roses. Next, the Creeping Charlie went, though slowly and the Evergreen, now Puce, did not look well.
I’m embarrassed to tell you what I did. But I was desperate. I poured chicken soup in the soil. The plant seemed to rally. It said,”Oye! Oye! And then it was gone.
I bought more plants This time I decided on complete honesty. I quoted Bronowski and said “Nature is not mastered by force but by understanding.” I told them this worked both ways. I told them sometimes I would not feel like talking and they should respect that. I think I heard applause.
I felt much better after our chat. The pressure was off me to be sweetness and light all the time. They were understanding. Except for the delicate Fern.
Once, after a particularly festive night and finding that my one silk plant had aphids, I let forth an expletive and Fern got the vapors and expired.
As for the few left; they love me for who I am-a kind, gentle, loving person. With our therapy sessions at Lowes, the rest now keep their opinions to themselves.
Photo credit: Some Rights Reserved by Jenny Downing Flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.
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