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Bad Girl

Bad Girl's Tricks for Writing with Kids

IN THE WRITING TRENCHES: Rules for Parents

By Melodie Campbell
Tuesday, September 10, 2013

(SNN) - Okay, these are not the definitive rules for Writer-parents. I would never claim to be an expert. But I did raise two kids while writing stand-up on the side and penning a syndicated humour column every two weeks. So I learned a few things about survival along the way.

Bad Girl’s Tricks for Writing with Kids: 

  1. Probably you shouldn’t lock yourself in the bathroom, so the kids can’t get at you. Equally, you shouldn’t sit inside the playpen with your kid on the outside, screaming and shaking the thing. Okay, at least not more than once a day.
  2. Never put a full package of Twinkies in front of a toddler so that you can continue to write. (Remove them all from the plastic wrappers first so the kid doesn’t choke.)
  3. A kid won’t die if they drink half a mug of cold coffee. But watch the wine. In fact, you might want to finish the bottle right now so there is no risk.
  4. Other kids' birthday parties are a great thing for a writer. But you really should pick up your own kid when they’re over. (Eventually. Before winter.)
  5. It’s okay to get someone to babysit your kids while you move into a new house. But it’s not okay to forget to tell anyone where that house is. 
  6. When your kid leaves home for university, it probably isn't smart to immediately change their room into a study or writing room. Wait until after Christmas. The sales are better.

Re “Leaving the nest”: An emotional time for all. But probably you shouldn’t do it until your kids are grown up.

Melodie Campbell has been called "Canada's Undisputed Queen of Comedy." She writes funny books. You can get them at Chapters or Amazon.

More from Melodie Campbell
 
DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.

 

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