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Joanne Hagen

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    10 matches found.
  • "RESERVOIR DOGS" Have U.S. Citizens Fearing for their Lives.
    By: Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - Unlike the movie, these dogs have nothing to do with diamond heists, and Quentin Tarantino is not responsible for bringing this lawless band of gangsters together, as far as I know. Citizens of Phoenix, Maryvale and other towns in the state of Arizona are reported to be in a state of terror over packs of what are being called vicious feral dogs. No, not salivating, bloodthirsty wolf-size hounds, rather, deadly Chihuahuas roaming...

  • Rob Ford, Prepare Yourself for the Red Planet
    ... and Mars, Prepare Yourself for Rob Ford.

    By: Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - We have had our share of not-so-honest politicians, but Rob Ford has trumped them all. For over a year, Ford has monopolized the world news with his outrageous, obscene, and humiliating behavior. I must admit, at first I watched with a mixture of horror and curiosity; a Mayor smoking crack?! It seemed inconceivable. Yet as the story unfolded it revealed a man of epic proportions in his ability to: Outright lie to our nation and the...

  • Penis Theft Ring Causes Panic Among Africans
    By: Joanne Hagen
      (SNN) - Nothing grabs a reader’s attention like a news story sprinkled with words like penis theft and genitalia shrinkage. Apparently, in parts of Africa there is an uprising of fear, panic and terror over an outbreak of penis theft and genital shrinkage. According to this belief system, a simple handshake or mere brush against a penile swindler, is all it takes to fall victim to either a shrivelling phallus or disappearance...

  • The Restaurant that serves . . .Poo
    By: Joanne Hagen
    CAUTION: What you are about to read may cause nausea, loss of appetite, and downright gastronomic revulsion. (SNN) - In case you haven’t heard, there is now a dining facility in California with a bathroom theme. Named The Magic Restroom, patrons sit on toilets and eat out of toilet bowls and urinals. The cafe decor includes walls of bathroom tiles, shower heads and other bathroom fixtures. The trend comes from Taiwan, where they...

  • Texting Behind Increase in Irritable Vowel Syndrome
    By Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - Since the onset of text messaging, writers, teachers, journalists, linguists and other language conscious beings have watched our beloved English language PROPER morph before their very eyes into a series of sentences consisting of one-letter words, almost always a consonant.  Vowels have taken a beating in communication technology, as textspeak has all but eradicated their use; ie. 'btw' for by the way, 'thx'...

  • Lion Air: Myopic Pilots Need Not Apply
    By Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - Lion Airlines has missed the tarmac for the third time in its flight history, with one of its Boeing 737s overshooting the Bali runway and plunging headlong into the sea. Though everybody on Flight 904 survived, witnesses said that many of the passengers were heard cussing and swearing as they dog-paddled their way to shore.  Lion Air spokesman, Edward Sirait, said that the plane failed to reach the runway and, uh, "fell" into...

  • Psychopaths Don't Scare Me None
    By Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - As a lifetime student of human behavior, I find people endlessly fascinating.  We are as uniquely different as snowflakes. My scope of interest lies in answering the simple yet incredibly complex question, "what makes people do what they do".  One of my favorite subjects is the psychology of psychopaths, so I wanted to share what I discovered in my research on the disorder to clear up any misconceptions or false stereotypes...

  • FLAPJACKS: The Bad Boys of Food Fights
    By Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - Food fights have been around forever, messy but harmless, until this week when the Castle View School shocked the world by banning the triangular-shaped flapjack for its apparent ability to injure, blind, maim, mutilate, dismember and in extreme cases, potentially murder a human target.  The Essex, England Canvey Island school took prompt and swift action after a pupil was struck in the pupil by a flying flapjack. Catering staff...

  • Not Out of the Woods Yet.
    Seeing his toothy smile again prompted a little research on Tiger

    By Joanne Hagen
    Tiger has new mate; has he healed his monstrous ego along with his supposed sex addiction?  Will he reoffend? (SNN) - Golf sensation Tiger Woods and Lyndsey Vonn, world champion olympic alpine skier, have emerged on the world stage to announce that they are now officially a couple, both asking for privacy and the right to keep their romance to themselves. I say no way. When you attach a full set of carefully posed professional photographs...

  • It's Spring Fever, not Neurosis, I'm Sure of It.
    By Joanne Hagen
    (SNN) - I am a winter wimp, a big whiny baby actually, when it comes to the ‘cold white blanket’ season. Being 100% Canadian I feel like a bit of a misfit or weirdo because I don’t dive into the powdery stuff with joyful abandon like most of my Canadian cohorts. I am not digging out the skis, skates, or ice-fishing shack, no. I am nestled inside with hot chocolate looking out at the spectacular sight of softly falling snow...

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