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Kris Keppeler

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  • Dire Warnings on Dish Soap Change
    Photo: Illegal Use of the G word

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) Dr. Itbee Hotncolt, Florida’s leading scientist on the phenomenon of dish soap changes, has published his latest study revealing the current state of this alarming environmental trend. After much research and gnashing of teeth, Dr. Hotncolt has concluded that the problem is getting worse each year. “Just look at the number of super hurricanes and typhoons spawned in the last 10 years, “ stated the good doctor, “It’s...

  • Vaccine Against Stupidity Discovered
    Photo: Definite shot in the arm for government services

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) The lead researcher at the world famous Vax-R-Us Institute announced today the newest breakthrough in vaccines to help sufferers in our society. Dr. Andy Botty says they have found a vaccine to prevent stupidity. “It’s a great day indeed. We’ve spent years looking for the right combination. Due to the many types of stupidity present in today's world, finding the right ingredients to protect against all types...

  • Eau de Garbage at Wind in the Laurels
    Photo: When garbage cans fall in love

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) The police were called to the upscale Wind in the Laurels neighborhood last Sunday night. According to Officer Duright, the altercation was over garbage. Officer Duright remarked, “We expected the new garbage rules in Seattle to cause some issues, but not in this neighborhood. “ Seattle outlawed food scraps in the garbage and allows collectors to report violators. All food waste must go in the yard waste bin or a fine will...

  • Bibles Used for Xbox Scam
    Photo: A repeat victim?

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - It was a heart rending Christmas story from the season just passed. Harry Kerry, of Kalamazoo, MI., opened his Christmas present to find a pair of bibles tucked inside the box made to hold a much larger present.  His wife, Charlene, was horrified.   It turns out the box was supposed to hold a new Xbox.  According to retailers, this is not an unusual occurrence during the post-Christmas shopping season.. “Thieves...

  • Ancient Astronauts New Discovery
    Cultural Evidence of the Homoneander Puzzles Scientists

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The Institute for Kind of Science Studies in the University of Rotterdam-Armhoff recently announced a startling discovery. Dr. Anita Grant, the leading researcher at the Institute, has announced they finally have irrefutable proof of ancient astronauts have visited Earth. While helping renowned archaeologist, Dr. Richard Leakey-Johnson, at a prehistoric dig site in Turkey, Dr. Grant came upon a small sample of a shiny reflective foil-like...

  • Sweden Scours Waters For Valhalla
    Photo: Swedish Chef Class Destroyer

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The latest reports indicate Sweden is continuing to scour the waters off Stockholm for a Russian submarine. They insist it’s there somewhere and they’re going to find it. But local storyteller and expert in Viking lore, Harald BlodAx, has a different take on the story. Harald doesn’t think Swedish military heard a Russian sub communicating with its base. Harald says they’ve discovered Valhalla and the...

  • St. Luke's Hospital Sends Second Ransom Note
    Photo: Spacious living in 'deadbeat' wing of hospital

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The family of Mr. Ralph Johnson is appealing to local law enforcement to help spring Mr. Johnson from the St. Luke’s hospital.  Mrs. Johnson tearfully explained Ralph was admitted a week ago for minor surgery on his big toe and the hospital is holding him ransom for their insurance deductible.   “We have insurance, this is outrageous!” she cried.  The hospital administrator, Mr. Itsanomifault,...

  • Iceland to Use New Volcano Naming System
    Photo: Wienie roasting the Icelandic way

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The head of Iceland’s volcanic team, Dr. Molten Igneous, announced the completion of their work on a new volcano naming system.  With another eruption threatening chaos for airlines, they decided the time was right.  “We’re tired of the news reporters massacring the Icelandic language.  The names of our volcano’s cause more trouble than the ash they spew into the sky”.  With 30 active...

  • Packing Heat for the BBQ
    Photo: Seems quite normal, doesn't it?

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - While more restaurant chains sign on to the 'no guns allowed' movement for the protection of their unarmed patrons, one restaurant is standing its ground. Bobby’s Blazing BBQ with 5 locations in Alabama and plans to expand to Georgia, remains steadfast in welcoming their gun toting patrons.  Bobby Ribsinall, founder of the chain, explains, “Most of our customers are hunters and fishermen. They all carry...

  • FAA Approves New Airline; 'Brawl Airways'
    Photo: The Calm Before the Storm

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The FAA announced their approval of the newest entrant into the crowded skies, Brawl Airways.  Jack Wings, the FAA’s official spokesperson, remarked, “Tension in the skies is ratcheting up and we wanted a way to defuse passenger aggression.  This new service appears to be a step in the right direction.” President and CEO of Brawl, Mr. I.M. Bully, indicated their service starts in the next few weeks...

  • US Government hires Seth Rogen
    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The State Department announced today it will hire Seth Rogen to make films to teach a lesson to countries bothersome to the US.  With the pre-release success of Mr. Rogen’s latest film, “The Interview”  in making North Korea go bonkers, the State Department realized a new weapon in its arsenal.  Marie Harf, State Department spokesperson, admitted their surprise at the level of rhetoric inspired by...

  • Queen's Hat Fails Colour Test
    Photo: Note - hat colour removed re publication ban

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The opening of Royal Ascot brought out the Queen in her horse drawn carriage this last week.  The betting on her hat color was fierce, with purple taking 10 to 1 odds and burnt orange a long shot at 50 to 1.  When the Queen emerged from her carriage, those betting on purple jumped for joy.  However, when approached by the Royal Ascot reporter who asked about why she chose purple again this year, the Queen retorted,...

  • Hillary Issues 420 Pot Concerns
    Photo: Clinton defends her favorite house plant (right)

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - In a recent media event following a 'trip' on a Colorado “Pot Tour” bus, Hillary Clinton expounded on 420 ways to deal with the marijuana issue. “We need to be clear on pot use,” stated the former first lady and maybe perhaps, but not sure yet, candidate for president. Asked to further explain her statement, Mrs. Clinton slowly elaborated amid much giggling. “Washington State prefers Americano,...

  • Courts To Settle Judicial Disputes WWE Raw Style
    Photo: Judge Thomas (right) about to make a point

    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - The worsening problem of over crowded courtrooms has prompted officials at WWE Raw to propose a novel solution. WWE Raw will perform a weekly public service by featuring a match between judge and prosecutor. WWW Raw spokesperson, Jack the Hammer, remarked, “When we saw the recent confrontation on Court TV, we thought why not. What better way to relieve a little courtroom tension. Let the judge and prosecutor take it to...

  • Woman Gets Hair Transplant For Her Legs
    By: Kris Keppeler
    Photo: Successful Procedure's 'After' Pic (SNN) Glenda Tarantuala always wanted to shave her legs like other women.  She never got the chance until recently. Glenda says her legs only sprouted a hair here and there which made her feel naked and embarrassed.  She avoided slumber parties and refused to pledge at a sorority.    “I missed out on so much fun growing up”, she remarked.  Thanks...

  • Ocean garbage: Union says they can't deal with it
    By: Kris Keppeler
    (SNN) - A whirling maelstrom of plastic and other garbage is several miles across in the Pacific Ocean. This is according to leading oceanographic scientists.  The scientists are so worried they’ve approached the international union of garbage collectors for help.  Dr. Pisces, a leading researcher on ocean health, is panicking.  “We have nowhere else to turn,” he says. “Heads of state just ignore our...

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