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Rob Distaffen

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    9 matches found.
  • Have you heard there is a new dog in the White House?
    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - President Obama is undertaking a tour through New York State this Thursday and Friday. He is touting his plan to encourage middle-class students to attend college without great sacrifice or immense personal investment. Students across the state and throughout the country are rejoicing. Max Somnus said, “My parents worked hard to provide for our family; they have been taxed to support welfare recipients who watch flat screen...

  • PGA: Go whack your balls elsewhere.
    Rochester "This golf is no good I tell you."

    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - The 2013 PGA championship is being held this week in Rochester, NY, home of Kodak, Xerox, the Garbage Plate, and once, Bausch and Lomb. This mega-spectacle is warmly welcomed by a few people in the area. Most of the others are concerned over the negative effect the championship will have on the economy, at-risk youth, and the physical and mental health of local residents. The total purse for this year’s championship is $8 million....

  • NSA goes down on Italian Couple.
    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - This week it was announced that the NSA (National Spaghetti Association) intercepted a couple of web searches by an Italian-American couple and sent a Mobile Response Unit to the home to investigate the situation. According to sources, six burly, mustachioed men, wearing yellow aprons carrying automatic spatulas and iron skillets, wearing tall yellow helmets, exited a food truck and knocked on the door. They were ushered inside...

  • Television: Sucks your Mind Dry.
    A conversation with Mildred G. of New York.

    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - There is a little old lady in the midwest of America who hasn’t done anything wrong. Mildred G, 89 years old, of Minden, Nebraska, has spent her entire life in relative obscurity. Until this past week.  Amidst a week full of news about insider trading, shootings, speeding train derailments, and Carlos Danger running for mayor of New York City, it has come to light that Mildred has lived almost 9 decades without crossing...

  • Global Warming: We are all going to die!
    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - The past few days have brought record heat to two-thirds of the States and much of Canada. In the state of New York, this has brought a mixture of reactions. The first is “Oh goodness it is hot out, check on your neighbors before we all die”. Social Media is full of these warnings. The New York State Division of Homeland Security and Emergency Services Twitter account (@NYSDHSES) has issued a long stream of warnings:...

  • For the Sake of Agnes, Stop Naming Hurricanes.
    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - Meteorologists tell us that Tropical Storm Chantal is barreling through the Caribbean ocean. With wind speeds of over 56 knots, this is definitely not good news for the residents of the tropics in the path of this storm. There is much concern over the damage that can be caused by a Tropical Storm, or worse, a hurricane. There should be more concern, however, over the damage caused to the names of these storms. In 1972, Hurricane...

  • SNN Intercepts Telephone Communication Between Obama and Morsi
    NSA and PRISM top of mind.

    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - This week, although President Obama was in Africa he kept a keen eye on the developments in Egypt. Mr. Obama was concerned that the fledgling democracy in Egypt might be in trouble since Egypt’s president Morsi was elected just a year ago. Mr. Obama called Mr. Morsi on the telephone. They spoke about democracy and thanks to the NSA and the PRISM program, we have a complete transcript of the short conversation. O: Hello Brother...

  • Where in the world is Edward Snowden?
    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - According to Russian President Putin, he is in geo-political limbo, otherwise known as an airport. Or at least the part of an airport,called the Transit Zone, that does not belong to anyone. It seems that the US DOJ, NSA, FBI, and CIA, along with the Department of Alphabet, Letters and Initials (DALI), have been exerting pressure on anyone who will listen to return Mr. Snowden to the States to face trial for spying. The esteemed...

  • Mind Over Matter and a Clean Bedroom
    By Rob Distaffen
    (SNN) - Helicopters are on the minds of some professors and students at the University of Minnesota. In a place known for snow, these brilliant minds are flying a helicopter with only thoughts. The professor, Bin He, who I am told is no relation to Ben Her, explains that this contraption doesn’t really read a person’s mind, it senses electrical pulses in the brain to steer a drone-style helicopter...

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