Introducing...Morticia's Massage Parlour and Free Advice Academy
Monday, June 24, 2013
(SNN) - Back in the bad ole days, I had a gig writing a wacky advice column for a resto/bar trade mag. On the urging of a few friends who have absolutely no taste, I am bringing Morticia back to life <sic> on these pages. Reprinted with permission...
Dear Morticia:
This guy I really like has finally asked me out. Thing is, I met him at a beach and he doesn't know I wear glasses. Should I wear them on our first date?
Signed: Short sighted
Dear Short:
That depends. What does he look like?
Dear Morticia:
I've been sleeping with a piece of wedding cake under my pillow since last April and it isn't doing a thing. What do you suggest?
Signed: Always a Bridesmaid
Dear Always:
Personally, I've never seen the point of sharing your pillow with wedding cake. Why don't your try a man instead? Lots more fun and not near as messy.
Dear Morticia:
All I want is a man who doesn't play golf all weekend long. Is that too much to ask?
Signed Weekend Widow
Dear Weak:
Really? That's ALL you want from a man? Must get pretty boring at night....
Dear Morticia:
I like your style. How about a date, Sugar?
Signed: Swinger
Dear Swing:
Sure! January 27th? August 18th? 11/04/21? MCXXII?
To be continued....
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