news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Ringo Marries Yoko

Admits He Broke Up The Beatles

(SNN) - All you need is love, even if it takes 40 years. 

Yoko Ono, the avant-garde artist who once performed in a giant bag has tied the knot with Ringo Starr, the amiable train conductor who replaced George Carlin on “Shining Time Station.”

Before his children’s television breakthrough, Ringo played drums in “The Beatles,” a psychedelic combo that enjoyed considerable success around the UK in the 1960’s. Ironically, Yoko was once married to Paul McCartney, the Beatle who died in a car crash.

“Yoko took a lot of heat for breaking up The Beatles,” Ringo said during the wedding reception at the Amsterdam Hilton. “But nothing could be further from the truth. She didn’t break up The Beatles. She broke up Led Zeppelin.”

It turns out that Ringo broke up The Beatles. “We were all in love with Yoko and she had a big enough heart to give us all her love. I wanted to be her man, but John was such a jealous guy that he once punched George Harrison’s guru. I finally said let it be, but nobody understood me because of my thick Liverpool accent, so I quit the band.” 

After losing Yoko to John, Ringo suffered a decade-long depression during which time he wrote “Octopus’s Garden,” generally considered the band’s greatest, though angriest song.  He also wrote a tune called “The Ballad of Ringo and Yoko,” but claims John stole it.

“Things went from bad to worse,” Ringo said. “During the making of Abbey Road, John and Paul’s arguments about peace and love turned violent.  John wanted peace. Paul wanted love. They couldn’t agree on anything.”

High tension during the recording sessions was documented in “Magical Mystery Tour.”  The film ends with a concert on a Chicago rooftop high above the brutal police repression of student demonstrators at the 1968 Democratic Convention. “Remember when the cops came to break up the concert?” Ringo reminisces. “Well, I’m the one who called them.”

Ringo and Yoko intend to spend their honeymoon protesting in bed for a week to raise consciousness about the link between soft mattresses and lower back pain.

Photo by: Thorgilsv flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from R.S. Gompertz



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^