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Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.

God Gives Glenn Beck Exclusive Interview on the Second Coming

(SNN)- “You tell them I am coming and I will settle scores,” Beck said during a commencement speech at Liberty University (an actual quote). Beck also added, God will now be a regular guest on this show, shutting out all the other news outlets. “Although all further interviews will be taking place in my head,” he said, “I’ll be reporting them accurately.”

Oklahoma’s Lethal Injection Debacle Sparks National Twitter Debate

(SNN) - Fox News reported that the crisis was the result of Liberals buying the controlling interest of the company who supplied the drugs, to stop the death penalty.

The only electric chair, still in existence, is in a Hollywood warehouse, and they refuse to give it up.

Since more people die from opiate-based prescription drugs than from street drugs, tens of thousands have suggested using them. And although Big Pharma is all for it, Oklahoma is going with drug-dealer supplied heroin, because it’s one-twentieth the cost.

Colbert Being Picked to Replace Letterman Sparks Controversy

(SNN) - Right-wing TV talk show hosts demand CBS be more fair and balanced and consider them, as well. And Sheldon Addleson will spend $10 million on a campaign to make sure they will.

Roberts Court Ends Affirmative Action in Michigan Colleges

(SNN) - and Fox News is still waiting for the 10s of 1000s of YouTube videos, from white people, singing “Free at last. Thank God Almighty, free at last.”

Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That”

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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