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FCC Considering Fine for Butt-Dialing 911 Calls

(SNN) - “This is not a laughing matter,” the FCC commissioner yelled at reporters at a press conference.

“Up to fifty percent of the 84 million 911 calls every year are the result of accidental butt-pocket dials. It’s a huge waste of taxpayers’ dollars. It pisses off EMS workers. It causes delays. And butt-dialers need to pay big time.”

As a result of the press conference, both Apple and Google have announced that butt-pocket-detection sensors will be included in the next version of their phones, to prevent such calls.

Heartbreak Can Be Reduced with Over-the-Counter Pain Relievers, Study Says

(SNN) - In a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, researchers said that, since the pain of heartbreak activates the same area of the brain that physical pain does, over-the-counter pain relievers will work just fine.

And as a result, aspirin and ibuprofen manufactures are now claiming, in TV commercials, that their products not only work best for relieving the pain of a broken heart, they’re also best for relieving the pain of disastrous dates, the pain of turning fifty already, and the pain of losing $100, because your favorite football teams lost in the last few minutes of the game. Hundreds more are in the works.

Kim Jong-Un Turns YouTube-Video Forensics into a New Form of Entertainment

(SNN) - It all started with everyone asking, Why hasn’t he appeared publicly to make additional threats to nuke the United States - or a Hollywood studio for mocking him in a film? And now you can experience the joy of creating a conspiracy theory, just like the panelists on Fox News.

Check out the latest Kim Jong-Un video, speculate on what’s really going on, upload a video of your idea to, and you just may end up being a regular on the Daily Show.

Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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