
Ancient Astronauts New Discovery
Cultural Evidence of the Homoneander Puzzles Scientists
(SNN) - The Institute for Kind of Science Studies in the University of Rotterdam-Armhoff recently announced a startling discovery. Dr. Anita Grant, the leading researcher at the Institute, has announced they finally have irrefutable proof of ancient astronauts have visited Earth. While helping renowned archaeologist, Dr. Richard Leakey-Johnson, at a prehistoric dig site in Turkey, Dr. Grant came upon a small sample of a shiny reflective foil-like material. According to Leaky-Johnson, the reflective foil was discovered in an excavated layer dated to approximately 5000 years ago.
Leaky Johnson was quick to distance himself from Grant’s hypotheses, however.
He remarked emphatically to reporters, “Dr. Grant is really not a colleague. She does enjoy digging, though, and is very detail oriented. Therefore, she’s very helpful at the dig sites and for making coffee and sandwiches, but I do not endorse her theories.”
Grant reported the several small portions of reflective material they found lends itself to being folded into a teepee-like structure. Along with the foil she also found very small bits of thin ribbon with the letter “H" on it. The material, which contained several wrinkles, all had a residual odour to it that when analayzed by the SnifProbe, a portable mass spectrometer, indicated trace amounts of theobromine and dextran.
Grant remarked, “This must be left behind by ancient astronauts from a mysterious planet legends have referred to as, ‘Homoneander’. Humans in this time period did not have ribbon or foil so where else could it have come from? The letter H confirms its origin.”
Unfortunately, the amount of foil and ribbon is very small as the foil is only an inch across. Dr. Bigg-Grant says she does not want to compromise the sample by using a portion of it for accurate dating but is taking it back to the Institute to ‘perform other analyses to confirm her theory’. In the meantime, she plans to submit a paper on the ribbon and foil to such well-regarded science periodicals as The Area 51 Review and The Roswell News and World Report.
Dr. Leakey-Johnson and his excavation crew remain skeptical. “The material is baffling and yet so familiar,” remarked Dr. Leakey-Johnson. “If I could just get a taste for what it is, it could be scientifically one of the greatest discoveries of my career."
Image: Some Rights Reserved by Chris Goldberg flickr photoistream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.
More Satire News
-
Dogs, Drugs, and Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
(SNN) Oh my goodness. Just heard that the four time champion of Alaska's Iditarod may have given his dogs drugs to enhance their speed. Now, I wonder if my former Golden Labrador dog Charlie (Charles Worthington ...
-
Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond
Monday, August 14, 2017
(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers. The event was held ...
-
How to Make Love in a Canoe
Monday, July 03, 2017
One night a young amorous Sioux Had a date with a maiden he knioux; The coroner found The couple had drowned Making love in a leaky canoe -Anonymous (SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an ...
-
North Korea Axes Public Executions
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
(SNN) Pyongyang, North Korea –In response to a major shift in US Foreign Policy and rumors of a possible state visit by US President Donald Trump, North Korean authorities have been ordered to curtail public trials ...
-
Senior Duffers Rules of Golf
Sunday, June 18, 2017
(SNN) It’s Spring and the thoughts of masochists turn to golf. When people ask me if I play golf, I respond: "I play a game similar to golf, only with more lurching about and travel." Actually there's nothing similar ...
-
It (Usually) Never Rains In California
Thursday, February 09, 2017
(SNN) When I was notified I had won a prize for rainmaking I was gob-smacked while trying to close my umbrella. The last one to win that prestigious award was Burt Lancaster whom I’m often mistaken for without my ...
-
Snubs and Flubs at the Oscar Nominations
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
11. Worse singing by a nominated Actress: Meryl Streep, in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” (This is her second nomination in this category. She won previously for “Mama Mia”) 10. Most academy award nominations for ...
-
My Aching Back and the Magical Little Christmas Tree
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
(SNN) We moved from Washington DC to Los Angeles CA in the Summer of 1983, lock, stock, dog and our two kids—John, almost eight, and Andrew almost four. They adjusted to their new environs as best they could. Come ...
-
Road-Tested and Ready
Thursday, December 08, 2016
(SNN) I don’t list Automotive Writer on my resume, but my need for new transportation has led me to a new car search. I went to a couple of recent auto shows, road-tested several models—some cars too—and did my ...
-
Trump: Worse Than a Poke in the Knee with a Sharp Scalpel?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
(SNN) I am a glutton for punishment. That’s why I scheduled a visit with an Osteopathic Surgeon the day after the Presidential election. I figured if worst came to worst at the polls, the prospeceet of major surgery ...