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Date Night For Me and My Mechanical Man

Jan "The Legend" Marshall Finds Hardware Issues Hard

(SNN) - A newly discovered Fossil may re-write human evolution, so says the news.  Thus the animals I dated previously would have to be re-evaluated.

I also had read that synthetic human cells were being created in laboratories and I was in heaven.

If that wasn’t enough, on a current television life style segment they featured a totally robotic fellah with synthetic blood heart, kidneys-the whole shebang only his brain was missing.  Now stop that!  No jokes about my guys.

As a matter of fact, the brilliant men I know with large…uh brains are either Canadian, live in Brooklyn, CA or Mexico and are scattered hither and yon, which is close to a freeway; and they write on the LinkedIn Humor Group site.  In other words, all the men I know are Einstein clones and witty, though not currently available to me.

So can you imagine my excitement and pounding heart when at a Book Faire, I won a raffle for a mechanical man.  I could finally quit Internet Dating and singing “Love for Sale’ at the malls.

Shocked, I soon learned the raffle was for a gift to the Mechanical Mann, an automotive service.  For the moment, Saturday night would remain a night for leg and floor waxing.  I was kind of grateful actually, particularly since my recent experience with a car repair shop had been dismal. This is what transpired when I drove into that other shop.

"Well it really hurts me to tell you this, Miss, but you have diminishing pressure.  You appear to have corrosion around your terminals and obviously your condenser is shot to hell.”

I thought he was terribly rude and wondered why he didn’t also mention my weight gain while he was insulting me.

“What about the car?"  I asked.

“There are no guarantees in life.  I’ll do what I can.”.

“How much will it cost?”  I muttered.

“How much do you have?” I thought I heard him whisper.

‘There are no guarantees (again with the no guarantees) but I estimate from who the hell knows what to $1600."

“I don’t get it. It is one stinkin' back light,”  I started to object.

“Mama, you just don’t know anything about electrical systems or about cars. You should bring a guy with you next time.  They never question my judgments because they are manly.  Guys know stuff that little ladies do not.  So go get a facial (another insult) and tell your fellah to come in without you.”

I gave him a salute and while backing out I accidentally ran over his foot.  Instinctively, I called him a dipstick not actually knowing what that was but suddenly, I felt relieved.

I purchased a car repair instruction manual.  The first time I glanced under the hood, I fainted.  Who knew there were so many parts?  Then I learned that cars have a simple and organized system.

Previously, I thought if a belt were broken, my pants would fall down.  Now I know it could be a belt from the water pump or a vast number of things.

I learned when my engine knocks I don’t just ask, 'Who is there?'.

As it turned out, the solution for my car was a new bulb, which was quite reasonable.

I also realized while it is good to be informed, I prefer to let honest experts handle repairs; thus me and my old Lexus will be a regular at a reliable service department.

Listen, I am truly grateful, and while I do appreciate the prize, lets face it; an actual mechanical man would have solved so many other problems….

Dancin, Schmancin with the Scars: Finding the Humor No Matter What! received a smashing review from Wit and Humor Magazine and others. Buy some books, donate to veterans, hospitals, friends in need of a chuckle and others who want techniques to get to a joyful place. Or at least write a blurb if you like it, too. If not write on someone else's page. If you are on Goodreads, please consider suggesting this satirical survival book.   BUY YOUR COPY TODAY


Photo by: K Rupp flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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