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Miss Piggy - Bitter and Alone

Photo: Icon Feels Discarded Like An Old Rag Doll

(SNN) - Miss Piggy, the former Sesame Street diva and celebrated film star, no longer lives high on the hog. The porcine actress once known for her feather boas and risqué calendars, is now bitter and alone.

“I was scratching out a living on the county fair circuit, barely squeaking by when some illiterate meat-eater blamed my species for a flu epidemic," she snorted. "In 2009, Swine flu killed my career. As if I’d ever kiss a human! My agent stopped returning my calls, the 4-H Club withdrew their sponsorship --times were so bad I couldn’t even tickle Elmo.”

In spite of a minor comeback in Disney’s 2011 “The Muppets,” Piggy is frustrated by the lack of recognition for her artistic contributions. “I don’t want to sling mud but, frankly, I carried those tired Muppets on my back. “Hollywood is so unfair,” she complained, “Everyone's just looking for the next 'Babe.' There are no good roles for middle aged pigs."

Claiming an "unfortunate interaction" between Botox and pork rinds, the former beauty pig refused to be photographed for this article. "Just tell them I look better than Madonna does these days."

“I deserve more,” she insisted.  “Kermit married a princess. Bert married Ernie. Oscar the Grouch lives in an upscale recycling bin, not that he’s happy about it….”

Big Bird, whose post-Street career as motivational speaker was destroyed by fears over the avian flu, was unavailable for comment.

Photo by: Jon Roig  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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