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Stoners to Pack the Super Bowl

Photo: Some Super Bowls For Fans To Pack

(SNN) - Activists from the two legalized marijuana states may take the super bowl literally as teams from Washington and Colorado compete for the championship.

Why the sudden stoner interest in football? The logic is smoky, but Socratic: Paul Allen owns the Seahawks. Paul Allen owns Jimi Hendrix’s Woodstock guitar. Therefore Jimi will return to play the Super Bowl.

A fan calling himself “13-Man” revealed that the pot smokers have a hidden agenda beyond bearing witness to the Hendrix prophesy. “Stoners like sports, but we don’t like competition and we hate violence. We must work with the players to stop hurting each other and resolve their conflicts through hugs, nugs, and dialogue.”

Wearing a tie-dyed Bronco shirt and Day-Glo Seahawk pants, 13-Man went on to suggest that the two teams play a friendly round of hacky sack to build trust and understanding before the big game.

One Seattle fan who couldn’t remember his own name had a simpler explanation for his cross-country pilgrimage in an unheated VW Microbus during the dead of winter. “Our mascot’s called Blitz and a Seahawk isn’t a real animal. This will be like getting high with unicorns.”

Some commentators are portraying the event as a showdown between beer drinkers and pot smokers. “We have nothing against beer and alcohol, “ said 13-Man. “But I think our 4:20 smoking game is way more fun than drinking a shot every time a player grabs his crotch and two when he grabs someone else’s.”

When asked how to play 4:20, the stoner explained that viewers must smoke a bong load every time the numbers 4 and 20 are prominent. “4th down and 20 yards. 20th down and 4 yards. Whatever. Just fire up a fatty and enjoy the Budweiser commercials.”

One thing that stoners, drinkers, and both team mascots agree upon is that everybody needs to get blitzed or the Bruno Mars / Red Hot Chili Peppers half-time show will be a major bummer

Security officials are voicing increasing concern over the thousands of 1970-era Volvo station wagons descending on Jersey City for a tailgate party that threatens to make Woodstock look like an AA meeting.

Financially, the event has the potential to go up in smoke unless the impending Doritos shortage is offset by an uptick in parking ticket revenues and increased demand for vegan hotdogs.

Photo: Some rights reserved by cea_bugg_4  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endored. Original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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