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Real Reason ADD Drugs Given to Grade School Kids Found

(SNN) - “Everyone expects my generation to make sure the American Dream remains the envy of the world,” said the middle schooler, who discovered the truth while doing a science project. “And if the schools think we’re not one-hundred percent gung-ho on academics, they pump us full of ADD drugs, to make sure we stay focused on that.”

Stock of the Wall Street Investment Firm that Hired Eric Cantor Plummets

(SNN) - Since he has no Wall Street experience whatsoever, investors feared he’ll be just as bad for the company as he was for the country when he was the majority leader in Congress.

Texas Pulls a Scotland

(SNN) - Polls before the online referendum showed that the votes for and against Texas secession were too close to call. And Rick Perry was really pissed that Obama didn’t come begging them not to leave.

Boarding Planes Now Take Longer than Going through TSA Inspections

(SNN) - And a spokesperson for the industry said, “We’re doing the best we can, but it’s all about preventing in-flight arguments and fistfights. And it can take hours of musical chairs to match overweight people up with skinny people, match people who aren’t interested in reclining up with tall people and laptop users, and to match the deaf up with incessant cellphone gabbers.

Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That 

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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